While the closing credits played, I sat back in my chair with my eyes bulging out of my head and my jaw hanging close to the floor. I have never been so confused and discombobulated after watching a movie. I felt like someone had gone into my mind and twisted it around. For those of you who have seen the new flick, Black Swan, I think you can say the same. As a ballerina, I have been waiting months for this new movie to hit theaters. Natalie Portman plays "Nina," a ballet dancer in a prestigious New York company. The company has decided to reinterpret SwanLake with a more modern twist. The story circulates around a white swan that becomes evil, thus turning into a black swan. Nina receives the role of the "Queen Swan" and struggles to fulfill the director's impression of the black swan. The lead dancer's life becomes so entwined in the role, the black swan inside of her begins to take over her shy, perfect self. She disrespects her mother, has sexual relations with another woman, and experiments with drugs and alcohol. This movie blew my mind. I feel it was open for interpretation. The main idea I got from this movie was the extremely thin line between insanity and sanity. As a dancer I am always told to "be the dance." Dancing tells a story and you need to show the audience that. A true dancer embodies her role completely and pours her heart out to the audience. I never thought that this could be a negative factor. This movie showed how powerful your mind is over your body. I think many dancers can relate to this movie. The dance industry is so brutal and cut-throat, only the strong survive. Black Swan shows that perfection is impossible and trying to be perfect will only lead you to insanity in the end.
I have just finished One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and absolutely loved the ending! Now that Chief Bromden has defeated the Big Nurse, he has set himself free in the real world: "I been away a long time" (325). Personally, I do not feel Chief Bromden was insane. His resentment and paranoia towards the outside world has compelled him to stay in the asylum all these years. Now that the book is over I cannot help but wonder about other insane people that have left mental institutions and now live in the "real world." Although I have never been hospitalized in a mental institution and will never be placed in one (knock on wood) some of my actions over the past few days characterize me as insane according to the definitions we researched. I have composed a list below...
1. Monday morning I sped over the speed bumps, late to school as usual, with my little sister in the car. She forced me to drop her off at the middle school or else she would get a detention for her fourth tardy. Instead of driving all around the outer perimeter of the school to get to the senior parking lot, I decided to go against the one way traffic. Do not ask me why I decided to make this irrational decision. Luckily, my actions did not result in any type of accident and I made it on time to first period.
2. My dad and sister came running down the stairs to hear me screaming yesterday after school. They thought someone had died or I was seriously injured. Really I was just yelling because my mom left my new nail polish bottle open on the kitchen counter and it dried up.
3. During 3rd period commons, I went to the library to do my math homework. I wrote my name at the top of my paper but soon erased it because it looked bad. My attention kept reverting to my messy name in the upper right hand corner. I erased my name three times before I felt it was satisfactory. I think this supports Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
4. Wednesday morning. Sweating. I had to strip my sheets and take a shower due to a horrible nightmare. I compare it to those Chief Bromden experiences in his fog. I did not read for English class. I completely forgot to do the reading and I sat in discussion shaking and perspiring at the fact that I had no idea what anyone was talking about. Ms. Serensky stared me down and shook her head. She knew I had printed off SparkNotes the period before and had them hiding in my lap.
5. Today I came home from school and sat in my bed pondering whether I should drive 45 minutes to take an hour long dance class. I swear I heard voices in my head. A little angel Carley sat on my left shoulder crying, "Go to class like a hard-working and dedicated ballerina would!" A Carley with devil horns and a red cape sat on my right shoulder taunting me: "You are so sleepy. Why waste your gas and mileage when you can take a nap in your cozy, warm bed." In the end, I listened to the devil's voice.
Do you think I am insane? Realistically, aren't we all a little insane in our own ways?
As I walked into English class on Friday with Emily, we simultaneously rolled our eyes as a dorky, lanky looking man smiled down at us. "Great, a sub," I thought to myself. I usually love substitute teachers. They are easy to intimidate and really have no control over a classroom. Yet, in English class, I know work needs to get done and I needed some explanation of the reading from the previous night. This sub blew my mind. He was like no sub I have ever experienced. His voice was very screechy. It resembled a thirteen year old boy going through puberty. I have no recollection as to what the man's name was. When the bell rang the mysterious man passed out worksheets to each group to be completed in fifteen minutes. Everyone in the class had their head bent down, books open, and were completely focused at the task at hand. Ms. Serensky would have been very proud of her star students! When it came time for discussion, we all assumed it would be class-led. Boy, were we wrong! The sub pretended to have an abundance of knowledge on the book, when clearly he was absolutely clueless. He continually made references to the movie which we did not respect because Ms. Serensky told us she did not like it. The man repeated everything the group said in different words. He also repeatedly used the phrase “okay, okay” OVER AND OVER. It became so frustrating at one point I wanted to pretend like I was going to throw up so I could leave the room. He had no clue what situational irony was. Baffling, I know. Of course we could not let him embarrass himself any longer so we gave him a lesson on the three types of irony. I wondered if this was how English teachers are at other schools…those poor, poor kids. I truly am grateful for Ms. Serensky and I hope she does not live us with that “cuckoo” again!
While browsing through Haley Sferra's blog a few days ago, a particular "gadget" caught my eye. Apparently Ms. Serensky noticed Haley's gadget as well: a list of quotes from Kurt Cobain. I have heard this name many times before but ironically, I had no idea who the man was. I researched Cobain and found out that he was the lead singer for the band, Nirvana. Ms. Serensky paralleled Cobain to Chief Bromden to help us better understand Bromden's personality. In Cobain's suicide note he wrote about "feeling too much." Although my feelings are not on the same intense level as Bromden and Cobain, I have similar experiences with over-empathizing. I have always hated hospitals. Not because of the weird smell or the nasty food, but because of the elderly, sick people there. At the age of six my Grandma had a double hip replacement surgery that required her to be hospitalized for a number of months. I loved going to visit my Grandma, but absolutely hated the sites I saw in the hospital. I remember the first time visiting I saw an old lady with tubes up her nose hooked up to millions of different colored wires. I saw nurses feeding old men soup by their bedside. It was a terrible site to see. I felt so awful for these people I would cry so hard my mom couldn't bring me anymore. If I wanted to go I would have to have my mom carry me and put a blanket over my head until we got to my Grandma's room. To this day, I feel a pang of sadness whenever I see a sick, elderly person. I feel strongly affected when I see an old person in pain or alone in a hospital bed. Like Bromden, I feel like I can see deep inside them and I feel the same sadness and lonliness that they are feeling. Unfortunately, I really don’t know how to handle these feelings I have had since I was a kid. Maybe I will try out the fog idea…
Has anyone ever wondered why there are no football players in AP English 12? Many students have mentioned the lack of males in our english classes, but never about the lack of football players. I find this very interesting. Many people stereotype Chagrin Falls High School as rich, bratty, preppy kids. I can not completely disagree with this view. It upsets me that people from other areas think of us in this way, but our school is very easy to stereotype. For instance, the fact that we have no football players in our AP English class. Football players are tough, manly, and aggressive. Many are also very unintellegent (This does not mean ALL so please do not feel offended). I know many of the senior football players are not the sharpest tools in the shed. I find it very interesting that they can twist, turn, and tell where there opponents are throwing the ball but they can't write a paper. As all AP English students know, Ms. Serensky's class is very intense and grueling. Does this mean that not even the toughest, strongest kids in the school can handle it? Apparently not.
The dreaded AP English in-class essay: some fake sick and go home, some have mental pep-talks, and some flat out cry. Yet, EVERYONE has some sort of nervous habit. I have developed a guide for Ms. Serensky to determine what her students' body language during an in-class essay really means...
1. Bouncing Knee Up and Down: This student is completely focused. Their essay has them in a complete trance. Their knee bounces to the beat of their heart. No one can pull them away from this hypnotic state of mind. 2. Cracking Knuckles: This pupil needs a break. They feel lethargic, to the point of passing out. They wish they could stand up and stretch, but fear disrupting the young mind frantically writing next to them. Cracking their fingers seems to be the only way out. 3. Tapping of Pencil: A plethora of ideas have invaded this student's brain. Their ideas are swarming around so fast; they must tap their pencil to help them narrow them down. A steady rhythm helps them to relax. 4. Looking around the Room: This student has absolutely no idea what the prompt is asking them. They look around at other student's, heads down, completely focused, and wince. They stare at the clock and watch the seconds tick by. They feel completely lost and alone. 5. Violently Shaking Hands From Side to Side: This is seen most commonly among AP English students. The pupil's handwriting has turned into chicken scratch and their fingers have gone numb. In order to get their blood flowing, they must fiercely flap their fingers. Those who utter "ooh" or "owe" have severe hand cramps that will stay with them for the rest of the day.
